When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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