these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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