What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
