He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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