If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
