you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
