No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
