I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
