I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
