Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
