You're my little dorito
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
