Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
