It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
