i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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