So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
