Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
