get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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