I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
