you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
