This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
