You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
