why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
