so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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