you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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