I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
