your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so that wasnt chicken after all
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
