Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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