The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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