I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
