i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think people are normalizing furries
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
