If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
