a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
