You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
