I just threw up on my dentist
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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