You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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