i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
