i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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