I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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