Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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