How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
