I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
