Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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