Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
