i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
