she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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