i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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