I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
