my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was not drunk enough for that final.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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