Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Randomize
