oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it glows. i had to have it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
