your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
